I haven't been posting much for a while mainly due to getting involved in another project that requires time and planning as well, not that it matters much in general since you will barely ever find something highly philosophical or mind enriching here anyways. From time to time I grasp enough motivation to come up with a poem after a particular word has been spinning in my head. The below would probably classify easily as midlife crisis engagement as I am nearing my 29th birthday in a few weeks, but I tend to see the positive aspect despite being a big fan of the "Grumpy Cat".
So what does the above have to do with the title of this blog entry? One of my favorite sayings is the following:
"I am a nobody on the way to become a somebody and earn the respect of everybody that matters."
Though I am not 100% sure where I picked it up, one could say that describes my mindset a lot of times. So far I have not really earned any respect or reputation that I personally think is of any significance yet and stick to do what I know best ... work. This probably sounds more dramatic than it actually is and surely a psychologist would immediately come up with a bizarre assumption what must have gone wrong in my childhood.
I rather see myself as pessimistic optimist that tends to have a dark humor and some people like it whereas others are easily disgusted. Personally I am convinced that I by far have not used my potential or skills yet, due to laziness and trying to push back responsibility for my own actions.
In April 2012 I was fed up enough to realize that I cannot continue like this and changed some of my habits such as not drinking any alcohol anymore (I never was a heavy drinker, more of a connoisseur). Fast Food has lost every attraction for me and I changed my nutrition, started doing more regular workouts and soon noticed that I can get my work done in a more reliable way without depending on coffee or sugar.
In fact, I didn't drink a coffee for a whole year after previously being somewhat addicted with a few cups per day. Yes, I bought a coffee pad machine again this year and I do drink coffee again - but this is probably twice per week at the utmost. Hot chocolate has taken the place of the addiction for now and when that is gone, I am sure something else will jump into the top spot.
As far as food is concerned, I try to eat by far more healthy with plenty of salads without actually being a vegan - sliced and roasted meat in-between is no must but makes the overall appearance a little more appealing. The only thing that constantly annoys me is the stomach - I do not want a six-pack but a flat stomach would be nice instead of the jelly belly.
Yet I have not found the perfect balance yet and still do not know who I am. Of course this doesn't happen overnight and I always try to keep my chin(gster) up by slowly filling the emptiness inside. One step at a time, exactly the way it should be. If someone would ask me "Who are you?" I'd probably answer "No, not yet. What about you?" and then curiously await the answer.
Time for my daily workout now.
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