It might sound curios, but it was actually pretty hard for me to write this blog, but I am also just human and have a life besides and have to fight with problems, same as everybody else. I am normally just not that kind of person that would show that openly, most of the time I am serious and try to do my job ... on many occasions it is by far more than my regular work tasks would ask for though.
The main problem though is that I forgot to treat someone with respect: My body and my soul / mind. I can't recall any specific period where I didn't try to do my utmost to solve problems for others because I know I can use my skills and experience to do so where others may struggle. And to be honest, I don't care if others would classify that as arrogant.
But you reach one point when the body and the mind is taking revenge and everything just sums up and you can't take it anymore. Fortunately I do have some very special friends that I talk about almost everything and that keep me sane ... last Friday I was about to lose my self control and luckily I had someone to talk and I can never thank this person enough for calming me down and preventing me from doing stupid things. I was unable to do anything constructive and it does take a lot to realize a defeat ... and admit that something was going wrong.
No matter how hard you try, if your body and mindset is not balanced and if you haven't found the inner freedom yet, you won't be able to give your best to do your regular work. I am a firm believer in karma and I know that everything we do has an impact on others, but we shall also not forget to treat ourselves with respect. I am not sure if I am on the road to recovery yet, I asked for a direction and my best friend showed me one possible way. But I think I already made the first step because I realized that there is a problem that needs my attention ... and if I don't take more time to solve this, I won't be able to give my best in all other aspects of my life.
Maybe I underestimated the potential influence or just didn't pay attention to all the little things that just summed up over the past few weeks and months, but I knew that there would be a certain point where all would just come together and last Friday was surely not the final version. I can just hope that I learned from my mistake and will treat myself with more respect than I did in the past ... because I am about to make important decisions for my future life as well that I already thought about for several years.
I know for a fact that I tried a few things to distract myself ... none of them really worked and I was by far not able to play my best poker either, it was more like an ABC with a few highlights and I still made some profit. The weird part though is that I did some coaching and helped a few friends with their game and they have been able to cash more consistently and finish better in their tourneys. Maybe that is something I should look into and focus on in the future.
That doesn't mean that I will stop working ... but I won't be here 24/7 (even though most assume that) and it might take more time to hear back from me via PM or support. I won't spend countless hours after work to still help where I can (mostly between 1-4am local time) but I will still be there for the persons that I care about. Because they have earned my loyalty with their respect and their understanding ... and they do have the patience that most people don't have in our current society.
Thanks in advance for your understanding.
Best regards,
zedmaster84
P.S. thanks to the special persons in my life, you know who you are and there is no need to mention any names ;)
The main problem though is that I forgot to treat someone with respect: My body and my soul / mind. I can't recall any specific period where I didn't try to do my utmost to solve problems for others because I know I can use my skills and experience to do so where others may struggle. And to be honest, I don't care if others would classify that as arrogant.
But you reach one point when the body and the mind is taking revenge and everything just sums up and you can't take it anymore. Fortunately I do have some very special friends that I talk about almost everything and that keep me sane ... last Friday I was about to lose my self control and luckily I had someone to talk and I can never thank this person enough for calming me down and preventing me from doing stupid things. I was unable to do anything constructive and it does take a lot to realize a defeat ... and admit that something was going wrong.
No matter how hard you try, if your body and mindset is not balanced and if you haven't found the inner freedom yet, you won't be able to give your best to do your regular work. I am a firm believer in karma and I know that everything we do has an impact on others, but we shall also not forget to treat ourselves with respect. I am not sure if I am on the road to recovery yet, I asked for a direction and my best friend showed me one possible way. But I think I already made the first step because I realized that there is a problem that needs my attention ... and if I don't take more time to solve this, I won't be able to give my best in all other aspects of my life.
I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~Norma Jeane~
~Norma Jeane~
I know for a fact that I tried a few things to distract myself ... none of them really worked and I was by far not able to play my best poker either, it was more like an ABC with a few highlights and I still made some profit. The weird part though is that I did some coaching and helped a few friends with their game and they have been able to cash more consistently and finish better in their tourneys. Maybe that is something I should look into and focus on in the future.
That doesn't mean that I will stop working ... but I won't be here 24/7 (even though most assume that) and it might take more time to hear back from me via PM or support. I won't spend countless hours after work to still help where I can (mostly between 1-4am local time) but I will still be there for the persons that I care about. Because they have earned my loyalty with their respect and their understanding ... and they do have the patience that most people don't have in our current society.
Thanks in advance for your understanding.
Best regards,
zedmaster84
P.S. thanks to the special persons in my life, you know who you are and there is no need to mention any names ;)
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