The hardest challenge for you is to realize when something is going wrong and it does take a lot of effort and courage to do so, most people realize though that not everything is perfect but the step to admit that something is going wrong is much harder. It took me a while to realize that with all my workload and trying to solve problems for everyone I forgot to pay attention to my own problems and how much it did burn me out. If it wasn't for a friend a while ago, I could have possibly done some major damage and I will always be thankful for keeping me out of trouble in my weakest time.
I took some steps to get back in the shape I was used to a few years ago and despite a lot of biking last year I still gained some weight ... now I am going to the gym 3 times per week regularly again and it is surprising to see the connection between body and soul. It is a symbiotic coalition and has a pretty vulnerable balance, if one of them is hurt it does have a huge impact on the other as well and it shall be the ultimate target to find the right balance.
This might sound like Buddhism and this is partly correct, as I am also a firm believer in karma. But you don't really know what you have been missing until you make that specific experience and the regular workouts and adjusted sleeping patterns did help me a lot. I don't feel as burned out as I was before, that doesn't mean I am fully back on track and it is still a long road back to recovery ... but I made the first and most complicated and important step.
It did not really have any influence on my working hours, they are still above everything that you would consider normal ... but I am much better at absorbing it and I can also see the first improvement as well when I look in the mirror. This mirror doesn't just symbolize an option though to look at your body, if you try hard enough you will also be able to look into your soul as well.
The physical and mental balances are connected and if you don't feel well, you will also not be able to give your best in just about every aspect of your life. This does have a huge impact on your poker game as well, I realized for myself that I was still able to maintain my ABC game ... but it was nothing special and I do expect more from myself than just standard play. I did not play much and still made some profit, nothing really significant but I did not lose any money overall.
One thing is for sure though, you cannot force yourself to do something and expect that you are still able to get the same results as if you were in your best shape and can give your best. It is the worst thing that you can actually do to yourself and just hurts in the long run ... the own balance is crucial and nothing to joke about. There may be other problems that need to get solved as well, but if you don't pay attention to your own needs, you won't be able to solve all other issues that may arise. And by all means, take time for yourself to feel more comfortable ... otherwise you might get ill way faster and that will just make everything worse.
With the recent improvement though, I feel more comfortable and I could also see a difference at the poker tables, my winrate and profit slightly increased. More important for my personal satisfaction though was the success in a few coaching sessions, in the vast majority of all crucial situations I had the correct reads, suggested the right moves at the right time and the general success and payout was higher than before.
I am not quite sure yet if I want to get back into grinding ... it is still a long way to get back in shape mentally and physically. I might try to do more coaching and also start my freelancing again with writing articles, depending on how things work out and if I can get in touch with some old contacts.
Looking back at how close it actually was and imagining what could have possibly happened is kinda scary and pretty hard to explain with words. It is almost like your worst enemy that you feel is unbeatable for some reason, no matter how hard you try. I am not sure yet how long it will take to get me back where I once was ... but the first changes in my poker game were pretty interesting to say the least. I just hope that it was still in time before it could cause any major damage that I may have not noticed yet.
Thanks for your attention and best of luck at the felt.
zedmaster84
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