Poker, News and random rants about me, life in general and ... did I mention poker already?

Dec 12, 2010

An attempt of self evaluation

Sunday, December 12, 2010 Posted by Unknown , , No comments
This blog entry will see two different topics, poker related and more personal … it is an attempt to get a better understanding of the own situation and how I can use my knowledge to improve.
I am not sure how it was triggered, but I always had a certain fascination at school to write – where others struggled or got frustrated, I never had a problem to write about almost everything. For me it was not complicated to pick up new stuff and use analytical and logical strategies to combine different topics and see the bigger picture.

But I have to admit one thing … I didn’t like poems, thus I am a bit surprised about my current inspiration and the ability to express my thoughts and find the right words. Maybe it was just a sleeping talent that I never noticed or never paid attention to, but I don’t want to miss out the opportunity now that it has finally come.

It might be a bit unexpected though, but it gives me the chance to say what I have been unable to so far and to pay back a debt that I feel deep inside to the persons I feel close to. Many don’t know how to express their thoughts, but it is something that deserves to be said and makes it more personal and special. It can be considered as unusual for my age and gender, but normally this should not be an issue at all as we shall value the content of the message and not who actually wrote it.

Writing is a way to focus your thoughts and say what you got on your mind, it is up to each and everyone though what they want to share and what not. Many don’t feel comfortable and you should think about all possible consequences before you take this important step and open yourself to other opinions and feedback that might give you a completely different point of view.

I am a firm believer in karma though and think that everything happens for a reason, I am thankful for the close friends that I have and this way I can show them my appreciation. I don’t need any special day for it, whenever I have the chance I will just go ahead. This might seem a bit old fashioned and can be considered as a weakness in our current society where success is mostly defined upon the monetary value.

Life is an everlasting learning process and we will see many ups and downs, but the way we handle them defines our personality and the impression that we give to others. There is a certain point of no return, if you don’t realize what your priorities are or should be, it will be very difficult to change the chosen path. That doesn’t mean it is not possible, there are just by far more hurdles than normal that will require your full attention and a lot of work. Sometimes this can be prevented, but we also have to make mistakes in order to learn what is right and what is wrong. 

Once you are on a certain path many people believe that it would be a mistake to leave it no matter what happens, but that is not correct. The further you get on that road, the more things you notice that might change your mind and your attitude completely. We cannot influence the things that happened in our past, but we can learn from it and benefit from it in the here and now as well as the future.

Finding the right balance between body and soul is the most difficult task that you will ever have and only a few ever succeeded, most of the time it’s a compromise between mental and physical health and nobody is perfect. But to be honest, the aim is not to be perfect, you shall just do the best based on your skills, abilities and your knowledge. If you are too lazy and refuse to use your knowledge in order to improve, there is no need to blame anyone else than yourself for the lack of progress. But well, nobody really wants to do that because it is so much easier not to look into the mirror and instead blame someone else.

By questioning your knowledge all the time and sharing your opinions with others you will receive more feedback in return that helps to gather a better understanding. There lies truth in everything and nothing is really completely right or wrong, we just have different values based on our personal experience. As long as you use an open mind and take all into consideration, you will avoid basing your decisions on prejudices and relying on emotions. 

Right now I am not sure where exactly on that path I am and try desperately to gain as much information as possible to find out where and who I am. The whole process also has a directly influence on my performance at the poker tables as well and most of the time I am able to maintain a certain standard of play that avoids heavy losses. I am not sure if I shall call it discipline, strategy, self control or just being conservative … I guess all of these terms apply. It ensures that I don’t lose too much but at the same time it also temporary blocks out the one “big shot” also known as major win.

That being said, I take risks as well, I just prefer to do so in a more controlled and reasonable way without gambling too much … I want to keep the control and get in ahead based on my gut feeling, experience and knowledge. I am exploring my limits quite often and dive into new topics that help me to get a more complete point of view on how things are actually connected. Standing still is the worst thing you can do because all opponents with a serious attitude will always aim to learn more and close the gap that might have existed before. 

I try to cut out my emotions most of the time when I play poker and I also don’t play much when I don’t feel well, just playing for the sake of it or to kill some time is just not reasonable in my humble opinion because I always used to have a serious approach towards poker. It is up to everyone though and not every poker player actually plays to learn more about the game itself or win lots of money. Quite a few enjoy it as hobby and as additional challenge and competition, it is part of the human nature to be competitive and try to find out how good you are compared to others.

My goal for the near future is to read more about other game types and play more Omaha and Stud (Hi and Hi Lo), because there are just a few regulars that know what they are doing and certain betting patterns usually become predictable. The weaker players don’t know the hand and draw equity and chase you down no matter what, you will almost always get paid with a made hand. 

I don’t care much about the short term results, as I am usually not results orientated … but I will follow my learning process closely and if I have the impression that I don’t get anywhere, I will sit down again and see why I have failed. Failure doesn’t necessarily mean that you made mistakes, more likely that you still have a lot to learn and didn’t know as much as you thought before. It is one of the lessons that you either take or not, ignoring it would just close a few doors though but it’s not the end of the world.

The whole point is to set priorities and give you goals to work on, because you will be more distinguished and focused to reach them. In order to improve you have to find out that you are worse than you thought … and that others are better than you. It might be a tough pill to swallow if you are not used to “losing”, but none of the Pros has won every single tournament. Sometimes you just have to accept that others are better, you just need to find out if you actually played your best game or not. Try not to find the mistake anywhere else but you, it might be easier to blame others but you can’t do that all day long. 

There is no specific top 5 or 10 or whatever list though, it’s just a rough schedule with a few specific guidelines and priorities and they might change the further I get. Just by writing it down it will give you more food for thought and stay on your mind. I hope I will be able to deal with the results in a constructive and logical way, there is no guarantee for it but I am not afraid to accept a loss in order to learn and move on.

Best of luck on and off the tables.

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