Confessions of a workaholic

I think the title itself pretty much says it all, but as with almost all things in life there is no black or white, there are actually a lot of variations of grey. By all means I like to work, maybe sometimes not as much as I want but after all it is my job and it does pay my bills. I am realistic enough to notice that without my job, I would have by far more problems and it does symbolize a certain security. A few days ago I heard something in a movie and it kinda rang a bell, because I wasn’t sure how to answer the question:

You work to live or you live to work ... what is your choice?

I enjoy my work, because I am good at what I do and simply do it because I can and not because anyone forces me to do so. Sure there are some aspects of my work that I don’t appreciate, but its part of my responsibilities and there is no excuse to ignore that. I don’t think I am special at all, but knowing the own abilities and weaknesses are a good start to be more aware of who and what a person is.

Do you know the players in each team in the NBA (basketball) that everyone is looking for when they don’t know what to do? They just pass the ball to that player and he will go ahead and score because he is the most reliable player that has the best chances to help the team. Not all of them are superstars, quite a few are hard workers … there is only one difference: I will never earn as much money as they do. Sure you should never say no, but I am quite realistic to know better than that.

You can pretty much compare it with an addiction, not necessarily in a bad way but after all we put our own needs at the bottom of the list and try to fix everything else that we are capable of. Does that mean we can’t solve our own problems? That might be correct … but we also expect from us to be a perfectionist and it is kinda contradictory at the same time because we might not be able to overcome our own limits and do what is best for us personally. 

Often this will appear as torture to others that don’t have the same skills, but nobody is perfect and we all have our unique talents for a specific aspect of our life and daily routine that we can do better than everyone else. It doesn’t mean that everybody is aware of it, because sometimes those are the little things that we barely notice … but that can at the same time mean the world to someone else that does pay attention to it.

Self control can be a wonderful tool up to a certain point, but we always have specific limits that are quite difficult to overcome. We do not want to get hurt and often fear the unknown, but we also want to discover it at the same time as well and have high expectations. It is part of the human nature and as much as we want to deny it, that is true for everyone. Often we have been in situations where we were about to give up hope and lost all confidence. But good things will happen to those that wait and it might come to us as a total surprise.

As a workaholic, we throw ourselves into situations that will require all our talents, skills and endurance ability to master the challenge. Why is that the case and why do we keep doing that all the time even if we know better? Partly I would say we are getting used to it and it has become a certain routine. But if it gives us the opportunity to discover our own limits and maybe even expand them. Remember, if it doesn’t kill you it just makes you stronger in the long run and every little experience does create a unique personality.

Will we be able to enjoy our life to the fullest? I have no idea if that will ever be the case because we have high expectations and always want to give our best. Sure, we are not always as motivated and give full power, but we are used to make decisions and even though it is impossible to please everyone, we still try to accommodate as many as possible and find an acceptable solution for the majority.

Besides all the confidence we are normal people, we might be fully aware of what we are doing and what consequences our actions might have because we think in advance and try to foresee potential loopholes and scenarios that require our attention. But there will always be a certain insecurity because nobody is perfect and we don’t want to be perfect either, otherwise life would be pretty boring and not worth it. We cannot be sure what the future might bring, we can only learn from our mistakes that have been made in the past and try not to make the same mistakes in the future again.

We are all up for being prepared and try to gain as much knowledge as possible to know what is going on in our work field and every other aspect of our life. There are so many things that we keep in mind and cannot always explain to other people, because they only make sense in our own mind. And we don’t want to risk exposing that to others because we are unsure what might happen when someone is faced with that without being prepared. 

It will probably seem arrogant to others when we take the control and responsibility on our shoulders, but our life is full of challenges, rules and restrictions and there are certain guidelines that need to be followed to ensure that everyone can enjoy the experience the way it should be. We are often quite egoistical and that is surely one of our leaks, but we try our best not to show that openly … that is obviously not always possible.

There is barely any moment that we don’t think and let our body, soul and mind take a well deserved rest. This is simply something that we are not used to and we might also not feel comfortable with that situation as well. Who knows, maybe we actually need all the challenges and the stress that comes along with to keep going on and on? With all that being said I am still in a certain dilemma because as much as I want to and find the most logical answer to the initial question at the beginning.

There is no perfect answer and no answer is absolutely correct or totally wrong. The solution has to be a compromise:

We work to live and live to work. 

The key is finding the right balance between those two, we are consistently trying to find that inner balance to keep moving and it is the biggest incentive to reach that in our life. Many won’t succeed and many will give up as well without trying seriously. But as workaholics and perfectionists we could never forgive ourselves if we would give up easily and not do our utmost to find that inner balance.

We might not always get what we want and life is not fair, but it is also by far not as unfair as most mass media claim to plant that false impression in our head and keep us from trying and giving our best. But if we don’t even try and give up easily, life would be a big insanity and we should always try and aim for more. Maybe our dreams won’t come true and it will be a slap in our face to wake up and fall back into reality, but it is totally worth it.

This little essay was probably not exactly what you expected before and I can honestly assure you that it was probably one of the most difficult things I ever had to write down. But sometimes it does help for the own sake and mind to just go ahead and fight against the own insecurity, of course we are scared and don’t know what reaction we might get. But the truth can never be wrong and if you follow your heart, you will always find the right path no matter what obstacles might still be ahead.

There are so many more things that can be mentioned in this context, but often we are left behind without being able to find the right words. We are also just humans and no robots, we have feelings and are not always able to control our emotions. We hate restrictions and people that tell us what we should do and what we can’t do, at the same time we are the people doing exactly this to others as well. 

I didn’t really count the words and I always hated the reports that required a specific number of words. Because we actually write as much or as less as we want to find some inner peace and in our mind everything is possible. But that can only happen when we don’t limit ourselves and overcome our self imposed isolation. We are not perfect and will never be, we make mistakes and learn from them … they help us to move on and adjust our behavior. And we will always give our best, because we simply cannot not give our best … this would be totally against our personality and mindset!

Signed: An Anonymous Workaholic